I didn't expect you here this soon..

This could very well be the first (and perhaps not the last) very emotional post for me.

Yesterday the guys and I had practice and ran through the usual songs. Everything is sounding great. Chad got his fuzz pedal and the effect is very appropriate for In the End. After we did the usual run through, we started playing around with another song that is very close to my heart: Hello, Amy.

I have been wondering how this song would end up sounding. It's of a faster tempo; pretty catchy and happy sounding, yet has very sad undertones. It actually sounds a lot like a break up song but in fact has nothing to do with a girl named Amy. haha

You see "Amy" is a simple term that can be used to describe my disease called Amyloidosis. When I was diagnosed back in 2007, I was to say the least...surprised. Not surprised really that I had it (there was a 50/50 chance) but more surprised that it was already here. You see my mom was diagnosed well into her 30's and so it was safe to assume that it wouldn't show up for me until around that age. However, she didn't get tested as early as I did so she very well could have had symptoms in her late 20's. Which also means I could be on the same time line as far as the progression goes. Which is kinda scary.

The main difference is that since I know at a younger age, I can actively try and stop "Amy" before she does any serious damage. As many of you know, I'm on a drug trial that could be the very thing that stops the disease in its tracks. So things have looked up A LOT since 2007 when I was blind-sided with the news. I'm actually always very positive about my position and grateful for my outlook on life but at the time I was sad, confused and even a little angry. Hello, Amy is the exploration of these emotions. Ending of course with acceptance.

So needless to say, yesterday's practice was especially moving for me. Running through Hello, Amy with these guys and having them make their mark on such a personal subject was just incredible. Like I said, it hasn't been very clear to me what the direction of this song is, but what came to life sounded right on. Everyone really seems to understand the sensitivity to this particular tune: Marcin commented on how it needs to be very vocally prominent, which I agree with completely. However the music itself is speaking volumes as Chad's guitar almost weeps to the words I am singing. The life and understanding being breathed into this song is going to make it one of my favorites and hopefully a lot of people will be able to relate to it not necessarily on the same level as I do...but with an understanding that life is so fragile...and accepting that is the key to seeing it clearer. Appreciating it all.

"But if you should never leave me, I guess I'll take your hand and say - 'Amy perhaps we're meant to be; suppose it's better of this way'.."

I can't say enough how grateful I feel to be working with these musicians. After yesterday it was very clear to me that this is album is going to special. And maybe someday we can all sit as old men on a porch with whatever futuristic music players we have, listening to it and remembering how it all came together.