Friday, February 27, 2009

I won't always live not stopping...

I saw Jimmy Eat World last night at the House of Blues in Boston. All I can say They are doing 10 shows across the country playing their album Clarity in its entirety. Of course, there was hope that they'd play a few more from different records as well. Surely enough they did. Sweetness, Pain and Work were all amazing but what really struck my emotional chord was the song 23.

This song reminds me of a very significant point in my life, roughly mirroring the themes of my own song Circles, in which I sing about yearning for something more, something bigger in my own life, following my dreams...even if it means walking away from the things I love. 23 almost seems to be the answer or result of my words in a sort of foreshadow to the possible regret someone might feel after making such choices... what realizations they come to when seeing how their actions affect the people closest to them.

"I won't always love these selfish things...I won't always live not stopping.."

Lately I have felt like this. Selfish. Self-centered. Not stopping. I'm always on the move and can barely find time to even take care of myself. Day to day I'm there and over there...never just here. I have talked in previous posts about how I hope to remember this feeling of working on the I wish I was more of a witness to it all than someone right in the middle of it. I know that's ridiculous...but at the same time I feel like I am missing what might be the best part of my life because I'm thinking about it too much. It certainly is a struggle to remain focused so tightly on something and at the same time be aware of everything and everyone around me. I care so much about it all that sometimes it's hard to know where and when to look. Luckily the support around me seems to help with that. I have great friends, simply put.

And so I find solace in the fact, and in 23, that I will not always be like this. Sure, my dreams will always interrupt the stillness of my life, but like I have said many times before: it will keep me going. I just hope that I can learn to stop more along the way. To see it all. And to love you all.

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